Brain Fog and Escalators

Many folks don’t understand that even the simplest activities can be too much when struggling with chronic pain, even going out to the movies. But I really wanted to see Atomic Blonde in the theater, so I put on my big girl panties and we went to the mall. My husband parked the car and we walked towards the escalators. I followed a young boy up the escalator. I kept walking but I wasn’t making progress. The young boy had made it to the top but I was still stuck at the bottom, continuing to walk wondering why I wasn’t also at the top. “Allegra,” my husband interrupted my struggling thoughts. “You’re on the down escalator.” Awoken from my fog, Jeff led me up the up escalator. We made it to the theater but I didn’t even remember the film and when it came out on HBO I thought I hadn’t seen it yet.

My working memory, short term memory, and general cognitive processing are frequently effected but never in a patterned, predicable manner. So I must figure out how to compensate on the fly. It’s often difficult to articulate thoughts or even find simple words at times, (“that thing, with the pages… that you… you know… read.” “You mean a book?” “Yes. That’s it. A book.”)
They call it Lyme brain fog (or cancer brain fog, etc.) and it feels like swimming through thick mud. If you’ve never experienced it, I’m sure it looks strange to a healthy person. But please, be gentle and compassionate with us. We’re doing the best we can.

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American Ninja Warrior, Here I Come!

Because I am ridiculously tenacious, I have applied to American Ninja Warrior again. I’m feeling so much more prepared this year than last. Last year I went in with the mindset that it would be a hoot and a good way to raise awareness for Lyme Disease. This year I am going in with the mindset of being a real competitor.

In addition to doing this for myself, I am also doing this for all my fellow warriors! When I want to give up, your support carries me through. It helps me dig down deep to find the strength to persevere. I know that I have to keep fighting because you all are out there, rooting for me and if I give up, you might give up too. We’ve created this beautiful feedback loop of support!

(Now that the taping of the show is in the can, I can share my application video with you)

Allegra’s ANW8 application video